Gomenasai Akuroku
by kellegirl
Summary: Follow up to Poison Akuroku. Roxas had his reasons for his actions, when he goes back on them and accepts his feelings will things work out or crumble around him.


_Me: Inspiration is sucking right now, so I'm gonna do a song fic. Meant to do this ages ago, never got to it. This is a bit of a follow up to Poison Akuroku, only it's Roxas' POV rather than Axel's this time round. _

_Disclaimer: Ownership is relative, unfortunately it's not part of my family._

_Warning: Light lime, illusion to child abuse, emoness, character death._

_XxXxXxXxXx_

_What I thought wasn't mine  
In the light _

Sapphire eyes watched as the crimson haired male made his way across the cafeteria. Before anyone could notice his stare, Roxas turned away, staring down at his food. How could he have done that to Axel? How could he have crushed him like that? His gaze flicked to his companions. Oh right, that was why. Sora would have let his father know if he had gotten together with the redhead, would have let everyone know. Namine would have killed him.

Stabbing his food with his fork, the blond glanced back at the redhead. He wanted to go over, to speak to the beautiful creature, but such things weren't for him. His life was set out before him and he could not deviate from the pre-written path.

_  
Wasn't one of a kind,  
A precious pearl _

Still, there was nothing that could compare to Axel. He was a shining beacon to the blond, something that he couldn't have, something to hold dear, to cherish. Roxas wasn't made for such things, his father had made sure of that.

_  
When I wanted to cry  
I couldn't cause I  
Wasn't allowed  
_

It hurt, to see Axel after everything that had happened, but Roxas had to move on. He couldn't show his feelings, couldn't afford to. He snorted slightly at the thought of what his father would do to him if he found out his son was pining over another male like this. It was sad, but Roxas had to move on. Still, at night, when no one was around, he wished he could weep, could claim the redhead, could do anything to change his situation, but he knew it would never happen. It wasn't acceptable.

_  
Gomenasai for everything _

He didn't regret being with Axel for that one night, didn't want to take it back for anything. He just wished he hadn't been so cruel, hadn't had to give him up.

_  
Gomenasai, I know I let you down _

Those emerald eyes still followed him, but with such pain in them. Roxas desperately wished he could apologize, wished he could take back that hurt.

_  
Gomenasai till the end _

The guilt never lessened, only ate away at Roxas until he could no longer stand it. One day, when he was sure no one was around, he approached the redhead.

_  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now  
_

"Hey," the blond said uncertainly.

"..." Axel just stared at him, his eyes boring into the blond until Roxas was forced to drop his gaze. "What do you want?" the redhead finally asked.

"I...I wanted to apologize," Roxas said slowly, "I shouldn't have treated you that way, you didn't deserve that."

"Then why'd you do it?" Axel's eyes narrowed slightly, his posture starting to take on a defensive stance.

Flinching slightly, Roxas forced himself to meet the redhead's gaze. "I had to, my family...it's not important, I just couldn't let it go beyond what did. But..." sapphire eyes dropped to the side uncertainly.

"But what?"

"But I don't want to leave it at that."

_  
What I thought wasn't all  
So innocent _

When no answer came Roxas looked up hesitantly. Axel was staring at him with a dumbstruck expression. "I can understand," the blond said sadly, "If you never want to see me again. I just wanted to-"

Axel cut him off, his lips pressing softly against the blond's. The smaller male seemed stunned for a moment, but just as Axel started to pull away, Roxas animated. The blond fisted the taller male's shirt, pulling them closer together, pressing their bodies together in the process. Sapphire eyes flickered shut as Axel put his arms around the blond's body, holding him close.

Roxas wasn't quite sure how they ended up in the bathroom, how he lost his clothes, or how he managed to get pressed up against the wall. What he did know was how it felt to have the redhead moving within him, to hear him calling his name in passion, to find release and finally feel completion. It was wonderful, he hadn't felt so content in ages.

A small smile worked it's way onto his lips as Axel helped him to dress again, the concern and adoration on the redhead's face was rather endearing. "I don't want to give this up," Roxas said softly.

"I never want to give you up," Axel smiled, "So Roxas, wanna be my boyfriend?"

_  
Was a delicate doll  
Of porcelain  
_

The blond ducked under the flying plate. "How could you do this to us?!" his father screamed, "How could you disgrace our family like this?!"

"I can't help it!" Roxas tried to explain, "I can't change how I feel."

His eyes widened as his father advanced on him. Casting a desperate gaze over at Sora, Roxas almost sobbed when he saw the brunet slip out of the room. He snapped his focus back to the man coming towards him, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

_  
When I wanted to call you  
And ask you for help  
I stopped myself _

The blond lay on his bed, unsure exactly how he had managed to make it back to his apartment after the fight with his father. His gaze was focused on the phone. He knew he should call Axel, knew that the redhead could help him, but for some reason he didn't move. He couldn't bring himself to let Axel know the pain that their union had caused. Axel always looked at him with such kindness, like he wanted to keep the world from harming him, but this wasn't something that the redhead could help him with. Turning over onto his side, Roxas winced slightly as he jostled bruised limbs, his eyes slipping closed.

_  
Gomenasai for everything  
Gomenasai, I know I let you down _

"Roxas!" a voice called and the blond flinched, "Roxas!"

"Yes Axel?" Roxas tried to ask lightly.

"You didn't call me last night and I was wondering wh...Roxas...what happened to you?" Axel had caught up and was able to make out the bruises adorning the blond's usually flawless face, "Who did this to you?"

"It's not important," the blond looked away sharply.

"Roxy..." Axel frowned and reached for him, but Roxas pulled away sharply.

"I'm sorry," Roxas said softly, "But I have to break up with you."

"What? Why?" the redhead asked with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," the blond said again before turning and running away from the taller male.

_  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now _

Sapphire eyes stared blankly at the ceiling. The phone was ringing, but Roxas couldn't bring himself to answer it. He knew it was Axel, knew the redhead had been calling him for the past few days. The blond hadn't been able to answer any of the messages, though he had listened to them countless times. He hadn't even been able to force himself to leave the sanctuary of his apartment. He knew Sora was supposed to be watching him, knew the brunet would give him up if he went back to Axel, and he also knew that if he saw the redhead he would collapse into his arms and beg to be taken back. __

What I thought was a dream  
A mirage 

Roxas drifted in between sleep and the waking world, unwilling to let go of the dream that held him just yet. He was held in his dreams, loved and cherished. Strong arms encircled him and a heart that was not his own beating softly in his ear as he pressed his head against a firm chest. Axel's scent was even here, his dreams providing the redhead's every characteristic. But he couldn't hold onto sleep forever, couldn't stay in that dream world the rest of his life.

Slowly the blond opened his eyes.

_  
Was as real as it seemed  
A privilege _

Emerald eyes stared down at him, a soft smile on that pale face he had longed for. "Axel?" Roxas whispered uncertainly.

"I'm here," the redhead said softly, "Don't freak out on me please. Just give me a second to explain myself."

"I don't care why you're here," the blond breathed as he leaned up to bring their lips together.

When they parted Axel smiled broadly. "I missed you," he breathed.

"I missed you too...but if Sora finds out-"

"Don't worry about it," the redhead interrupted.

"What?"

"I forced Sora to explain everything, I'll protect you from your family from now on," Axel said seriously as he nuzzled the blond's neck, "You're mine, and I'm not letting you go again."

_  
When I wanted to tell you _

Roxas cowered against Axel's side, desperately trying to disappear as his father snarled at the pair. "You ungrateful little shit," the man said in a deathly low growl, "How could you do this to us?"

"It's his life," Axel interjected, "Not yours. What he does has no effect on you, let him be."

"You're going to let this fag talk for you now?" Roxas' father laughed.

"No," Roxas said softly, "But I refuse to let you insult us. Come on Axel."

_  
I made a mistake  
I walked away _

The pair turned and began to make their way out of the house, passing a wide eyed Sora. Roxas barely saw his brother's eyes widen even more before he felt it, the strike to the back of his head sending shooting pain through his whole system. Collapsing, the blond was able to register the image of his father and Axel crashing into each other before the world went black.

_  
Gomenasai, for everything  
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,  
Gomenasai, _

Roxas stood alone in the cemetery, unable to draw himself away from the grave in front of him. He knew he shouldn't be here, his father wasn't exactly someone he cared about, that his family still blamed him for what had happened.

_  
I never needed a friend,  
Like I do now _

Boots crunched on gravel as Roxas made his way back to the car. Axel was leaning against the vehicle, his red hair tied back and black suit standing out against the white paint. Silently the blond went up to him, shaking ever so slightly. He made no move to protest when strong arms encircled him.

_  
Gomenasai, I let you down  
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now _

XxXxXxXxXx

_Me: Angst, angst, angst, what the hell is with all the angst in my writing lately?_

_Mims: I dunno...though you did do that crack collaboration with Wolf. _

_Me: True, well at least I'm not totally in a rut right now, only for Therapy. Axel hates being written. Oh well, please review, let me know what you think. I'm gonna go work on my other one shots that I've promised people for a bit._


End file.
